In 1993, I was about to embark on a camping trip with a close friend of mine. We were ready to have a terrific three-day weekend in the woods with fresh air, a mountain view...you get the picture. We had everything packed up and ready to go. When we stopped about 45 minutes into the trip at a rest stop to use the restrooms and get some fresh sodas, I had the eeriest feeling and so did my friend. We took a moment to pray and affirm our safety, and then pressed on.

Less than an hour later, just outside of Charlottesville, VA, we came to a road scene. There were two Greyhound buses on the right shoulder with a State Trooper. The passengers were getting off of one bus and on to the other. We moved over into the left lane, moving right along. I had hoped doing so would keep me away from the rubber neckers looking at what was going on to the right rather than what was coming up on the road. At just about that moment, the woman in the car in front of me obviously tried to look away too long and hit her brakes fairly hard. The car behind me was following too closely and nailed us in the rear of my truck. To our right was an 18-wheeler with a flat bed carrying a whole load of trees from a logging camp. We missed the 18 wheeler by about three inches. Despite that, we slid across the right lane, right emergency lane, went down into a concrete ditch, back up out of it, up the right embankment and almost flipped front to back. Those moments seemed to take a lifetime. It is a true fact that when you approach death, your whole life flashes in front of you, for at this moment, that is exactly what mine did.

As soon as I felt the notorious wind that rushes just before an impact, I did something most people would never do. I knew the car behind me was speeding at about 70 mph. I also knew the 18-wheeler was essentially right next to me. I was pretty sure this was the end for me. So I laughed. I laughed hysterically, and I relaxed my whole body. I kept my hands on the steering wheel and guided the truck but I stayed relaxed. At just the right moment, at the top of the steep embankment, I cut the wheel and brought the truck back down the hill. We went back through the concrete ditch and ended up stopping on the right shoulder.

I sat there in disbelief. My friend had been cursing the entire time and was gasping for breath. Unlike me, he had tensed up, bracing for impact. I knew my truck was totaled. The State Trooper came running up. They called an ambulance for us. We were placed on stretchers and taken to the hospital.

We were both x-rayed. In my case, aside from some pulled muscles and a little whiplash, I was okay. My friend, on the other hand, had a dislocated hip, a crushed vertabrae, and is to this day an inch and a quarter shorter than he was prior to the accident.

My point in telling you all of this is to express to you the secret that almost cost me my life to learn. So frequently in life we are presented with opportunities to succeed. We embark on a journey towards that success, and with great determination, we move decisively forward. Then, just before we arrive at our destination, a dark force moves in to throw some chaos onto the otherwise opportune experience. Most people brace for impact, and when they do, they always end up on the losing end of the proposition. If instead, you laugh and let go, you slip right through.

I’ve found this lesson to be very valuable ever since. It is useful for anything tough or surprising that comes at you. Resist the urge to tense up. Resist the urge to curse. Instead, relax and laugh. I promise you this disarms the toughest opponents. Now if you want to know why it works, the reason is extremely simple.

Relaxation, laughter, breathing - these things are all about letting go. Releasing. If we plot revenge for a wrongdoing, we become immersed that much further. When we forgive, we let go of our anger. This anger never hurts anyone but us, yet we believe it in some way gets our revenge. If we obsess with our anger, hurt or despair, we do nothing but prolong what should be a very short transition.

How often have you been hit by a tragedy or a betrayal or even just a sudden change of luck, and felt completely wiped out? When that happened, did you brace for what was hitting? Were you waiting for the other shoe to drop? When your boyfriend said he had something he really needed to tell you, did you get tense and defensive? How about when you got your last pink slip at work?

It is so much more effective to direct that energy towards the next step rather than dwelling on what is happening or just happened. If your lover says it’s over, tell them not to let the door smack their rear end on the way out. Don’t beg and plead. Don’t beat yourself up with the endless mental chatter and rehearsals, the justification and the bitterness. Just let it go.

Don’t fill your mind with garbage thoughts like you can’t live without the person. You did just fine before them and you’ll be fine without them afterwards as well. Chances are if you at least pretend you don’t care, you’ll make them second-guess themselves. We do this in sales all the time. If someone says, That sounds good but... we always follow through with, You’re right, you might not be ready for this opportunity. Believe it or not, most people say, Now wait a minute! When you put it that way, people just can’t stand to have something taken away. When you feel the fire, the key is to respond with water.

Here is something to think about: Which is more powerful, fire or water? Fire comes on in an instant with great intensity. It consumes everything it touches. It’s bright and blinding and hot. Water, on the other hand, is slow and rhythmic. It immerses everything it touches. It’s cool and wet and comfortable. If you look at each and think of the world, you’ll find that it is water that shaped most everything. Water wears down stone, digs rivers, canyons and penetrates all surfaces. You must become as water.

When you get laid off from your job, don’t sulk for weeks about it. Get up the next morning ready to find a new job that is an even better fit. Better yet, set out to own your own business by next year. If a deal falls through, don’t brace for impact; rather, let it slide and move on to the next deal. It isn’t whether or not you fall down, it’s how long it takes you to get back up. By not taking things personally, by refusing to fear, by not giving in to doubt, you will find that life just can’t sucker punch you as badly anymore. You will find yourself filling in the recesses of the events, adapting your shape or your attitude to fit the circumstances and wearing down the challenges smoothly.